OK now you're this guy. But sharing your name is a little tricky. Statistically, based on how often you've been called it, your name is some variant of HEY! THIEF! After that would be APOC, which is how people on the interpreter network, a.k.a. the "internet," know you. Number three is APPRENTICE, which is what your master calls you. You're not entirely sure whether they know the name that you think of as your REAL NAME, which is the one you found scribbled in the design document where you were conceived. Yeah, you're the first and only HOMUNCULUS ever created. It's no big deal. Maybe a little awesome, but nothing to brag about. You haven't even told the person who'd call you their BEST FRIEND, that's how much of a thing it isn't.
Your main livelihood consists of BLACKMAIL, INFORMATION BROKERING, and CONFIDENCE SCHEMES, but your interests basically encompass the whole of creation. You're a SOURCEROR, which means everything from SPEAKING WITH ANGELS to ALCHEMY to ASTROLOGY to CIPHERS to BOTANY and GEOLOGY and a WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER NATURAL PHILOSOPHIES. This is reflected in the eclectic contents of your room, you mean your main laboratory, which is full of ESOTERIC TEXTS, ALCHEMICAL EXPERIMENTA, and LARGE PILES OF ILL-GOTTEN GOLD. Your STILLS and a couple other DANGEROUS EXPERIMENTA are down in the CELLAR.
What will you do?